


psyche

by thumbsforammo



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Aliens, Alternate Universe, Attempted Murder, Blood, Crime, Depression, Drug Use, Drugs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insanity, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Murder, On the Run, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting, area 51 bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-10-10 23:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17435819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thumbsforammo/pseuds/thumbsforammo
Summary: "you all say i've crossed a line and the sad fact is i've lost my mind."





	1. prologue

He stares at the brunet with dead eyes. Empty eyes. With a body at his feet and blood on his hands, he's no longer who he was. He's been lost to his mind.

In the distance, sirens echo through the empty mountain roads. The towering pine trees seem to warp around the pair as the brunet feels his hands begin to tremble. With only the dying sunset giving light, he's not much more than a mere shadow against the bushes.

There's only one word on the brunet's tongue as the flashing lights approach, bouncing off the tree trunks and casting an artificial glow on the natural landscape.

"Why?"


	2. trespassers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this so long ago wow

"I got this, don't worry!"

The tall fence towers over the group, who stand at the base, eyes wide as they peer up at it. The moon gives it no justice, only providing just enough light to see it looming out of the darkness.

"I have a hard time believing that, Josh," Brendon says, turning to look at the redhead beside him and pulling his blue jacket tighter around himself.

"Yeah, why do you even need to do this?" Tyler asks, rubbing the base of his neck nervously, "You're totally going to get caught."

"Come on! Don't you have  _ any _ faith in me?" Josh backs up so he's standing in front of the two other boys, facing them with a mock look of hurt on his face.

"It's not that, it's just – just look at it!" Tyler gestures at the fence, which is easily ten feet tall. "And how do you expect to even climb it? It doesn't exactly have any footholds that I can see."

"I'll find a way. Remember when I scaled that brick wall? That had to have been as tall as this, if not taller."

"Okay, but what about the very obvious sign right there that specifically says  _ no trespassing _ ?" Brendon states, crossing his arms.

"Whatever, that's just a suggestion. Besides, I don't see any security anywhere, it can't be that big of a deal if they didn't even bother to put up a security camera," the tenacious redhead copies Brendon's action.

"He's got a point," Tyler says, turning to Brendon. Josh smirks, knowing that Brendon is about to be outvoted. "And I kinda  _ do _ want to see what's on the other side."

"You guys are ridiculous!" Brendon exclaims.

"Are you telling me you aren't even a  _ tiny _ bit curious?" Josh pesters.

"Fine! But it's your funeral, I have nothing to do with this," Brendon caves, backing up and leaning on the hood of his old green sedan that's parked on the scraggly brown grass. "Have fun you two."

Josh smiles and spins around, studying the fence and silently devising his plan on how to scale the barricade. Without another word he jumps up and grapples for a grip, finding one in a dip in the stone. He lifts himself up, discovering footholds as he scales the fence skillfully. After a few moments of Tyler and Brendon watching on, Josh's fingers wrap over the top of the wall. He pulls himself up to sit on the edge with a grunt.

He whoops enthusiastically, throwing his fists up into the air. Tyler and Brendon applaud from below.

"I never doubted you, man!" Tyler yells. 

Brendon rolls his eyes. "That's a lie and you know it."

If Josh hears Brendon's comment he doesn't show it, "Thanks, Ty!"

Tyler flashes him a thumbs-up and a toothy grin. Brendon saunters over to stand behind him, leaning in to whisper in his ear.

"Suck-up."

Tyler smacks Brendon lightly and he backs up laughing. "Shut up. I don't know what you're talking about."

"What _ ever _ . You're always like this around him. What are you trying to prove?" suddenly he gasps, "You've totally got a crush on him, don't you?"

Tyler's face reddens, the hue contrasting strongly against his freckles. "Who doesn't?"

"I suppose you have a point." Brendon leans back on the balls of his feet, sticking his hands in his jeans pockets and watching Josh's silhouette at the top of the fence. Tyler joins him a moment later.

The redhead sits with his feet dangling over the edge of the fence, facing away from the other boys and towards to bright full moon. His shoulders are hunched as he stares up at the stars that paint the sky, the tranquility of the night making the moment seem almost magical.

"So what do you see then?" Brendon suddenly yells, his voice slicing through the quiet and making Tyler jump and nearly topple over, catching himself and glaring at the other boy.

Josh looks back at them before turning to peek into the crepuscule and squinting his eyes to see better in the darkness that hides on the other side of the fence. He flashes the others a thumbs-up and drops to the ground expertly, ignoring Brendon and Tyler's exclamations. The blackness is too heavy to see anything, so Josh pulls his phone out of his pocket, grumbling when it won't turn on. He curses his past self for not charging it before he left and shoves it back into his jeans angrily.

"Do either of you guys have a flashlight or something?" he yells over the fence, cupping his hands in order to project his voice father.

He hears a muffled reply. 

"What?"

"I said, all we have is our phones!" Tyler yells back.

"Could you pass one of them over? I can't see shit over here!"

Brendon joins into the conversation, matching the other boys' volumes, "I'm not about to throw my fucking phone over a ten-foot wall and there's no way I'm climbing that thing! You wanted to go over there, you're on your own buddy."

"Aw, c'mon, Bren! What about you, Tyler?" Josh asks, knowing Tyler will be the one to sympathize him.

"Sorry, Josh, I'm going to have to go with Brendon this time," Tyler responds.

Josh groans. He looks around, squinting his eyes and desperately trying to see into the gloom. He begins to walk away from the wall, pushing away the sagebrush that clings to his jeans and t-shirt. A cricket sounds next to his sneaker and he jumps slightly, chuckling at himself for being scared of a harmless little bug.

A twig snaps from somewhere ahead of him, making him stop abruptly with his eyes wide and heart pounding. A low growl sounds and Josh's breath hitches. He listens intently, frozen in fear, as the snapping and guttural noises get closer, moving from in front of him to his right side as if the creature is circling him. The growling grows louder until it is right next to the petrified boy. He can barely distinguish what looks to be a dog, but one much larger than he ever thought possible. The creature gives one final warning growl before it lunges at Josh's legs, causing him to scream as it tears at his clothes.

Josh's sounds of distress and the snarling of the creature carry over the wall and Tyler and Brendon collectively scramble to the fence, frantically clawing their way up, desperate to get to the other side. When they reach the top, both filled with enough adrenaline to fuel ten people, they turn on their phone flashlights in time to catch a glimpse of the animal as it scurries away. The bright lights pinpoint where Josh is sitting on the hard earth, grabbing at his leg as it gushes crimson blood.

"What the actual  _ fuck _ ?" Brendon voices Tyler's own thoughts.

Tyler and Brendon hop to the ground and rush over to the wounded boy. Eyes wide and hands shaking, they approach, Tyler already removing his shirt to use as a bandage. Josh is breathing heavily from shock as the brunet wraps the cloth around the tear in Josh's calf, trying to quench the flow. The two friends hoist Josh to his feet and stumble to the wall.

"What the hell are we going to do about this?" Brendon asks, gesturing with great difficulty to the wall before the group.

"O-one of you climb to the top and the other stay h-here on the ground, that way you can help me climb up from b-both ends," Josh sputters, shifting his weight to his good leg and grinding his teeth from the pain.

Tyler nods, "I'll stay here, Brendon you're stronger than me so you can help pull him up."

Brendon nods and Tyler moves slightly so Josh can lean all of his weight on him, allowing Brendon to scale the wall. Once he arrives at the top, he reaches his hand down and Josh grabs it, grunting as he pulls himself up. Tyler holds the boy steady as he ascends until he's out of reach and is able to grab at the edge of the stone. He hoists himself up with a groan and pauses to catch his breath, Brendon checking his makeshift bandage. Tyler follows and sits himself down on the other side of Josh, his heart breaking when he sees the tears in the boy's eyes.

Once they've all caught their breath, Tyler climbs to the ground and Josh rotates his body so his legs dangle on the correct side of the wall. He takes a deep breath as Brendon grabs his hand, giving him reassuring grin even though his chestnut eyes give away how scared he is.

"You ready?" he asks quietly as if talking to a child who scares much too easily.

Josh nods and looks down at Tyler, who offers a thumbs-up from his spot on the ground, before nudging himself off the ledge. He waves around his good foot until he feels it touch Tyler's outstretched hand. With the help of Brendon and Tyler, Josh makes his way down slow and steady, the same way he climbed up.

Suddenly, Brendon's fingers slip from Josh's wrist and he plummets the last few feet, Tyler too startled to catch him. He lands on top of the brunet, both yelping in surprise and pain. A loud "fuck!" sounds from the top of the wall as Brendon drops down, apologizing profusely as he helps Josh off Tyler.

"You okay?" Josh asks Tyler once he's been successfully moved off him.

"Who cares about me, is your leg okay?" Tyler responds, crawling over to Josh and inspecting his bandage. The shirt had shifted slightly but is still stopping most of the flow. "Come on, we have to get you to the hospital." Tyler readjusts the cloth and gets to his feet.

"We can't go to the hospital!" Josh exclaims, wincing as the two others help him to his feet once more.

"Why not?" Brendon asks, unlocking his car with his key fob and leading the way to the passenger side.

"How the hell are we going to explain what we were doing and how this happened?" Josh says, leaning on the hood of the car as Tyler opens the door and spreads a jacket on the seat to prevent staining the material.

"You got attacked by a dog, plain and simple," he says, nodding to Brendon, who picks Josh up bridal style and lays him down on the backseat.

"Have you even seen the wound?"

Both boys sheepishly shake their heads.

Josh is trembling as he removes the bandage, revealing the gash in his leg. It's deep and still has thick blood bubbling from broken veins, the stark white of bone visible through the torn flesh.

Tyler shudders at the sight of it and Brendon turns away and begins gagging by the rear tire of the car. Josh replaces the bandage to its original position and leans back, putting his hands over his face and taking deep shuddering breaths, trying to calm his racing heart.

"Holy fuck, Josh, doesn't that hurt?" Tyler asks as Brendon walks around the back of the car and slides into the driver's seat, face still pale.

"I think it was the adrenaline keeping the pain away–" he gulps and grips his hair between his fingers as a spasm of pain ricochets up his leg, continuing once it's passed, "it hurts like the fucking devil now." He wipes his sweaty palms on his torn shirt.

Brendon starts the car's engine and Tyler collapses into the passenger seat. Once all the doors are closed, the silence fills everyone's ears, only broken by their heavy breathing and the relentless pinging of the seat belt alert.

"What do we do then?" Brendon asks, placing his hands on the steering wheel as the overhead lights fade to darkness.

"Let's go to my apartment. The building is fairly new so it's still pretty empty. People will be less likely to question us if they never even see us," Tyler says, buckling his seat belt.

Brendon does the same, causing the alert to quiet its incessant noise. "You're probably right."

Tyler turns back to look at Josh.

"You gonna be okay to go that far?"

Josh mumbles a response pertaining to "if I don't bleed out first" but both other boys take it and Brendon puts the car in gear and pulls away from the fence, following the faint dirt road they had used to arrive. The main road is quite the sight for sore eyes, its sense of urbanity, even if it is minuscule, a reassuring thought. The asphalt and bright yellow lines reflecting the headlights and the quiet hum of the car's motor lulls Josh to sleep as they drive the two hours back to the city.


	3. normality

Josh jerks awake and grips at the crisp sheets beneath him as he prepares for a heavy hit from pain, but is instead met with an almost pleasant lack thereof. The boy can feel only an ache and occasional painful twinge from his healing muscles and skin. He sits up and inspects his wound, which is tightly wound in fresh, clean bandages. There's no excess bleeding and Josh can feel the bumps of stitches through the white material.

He stretches and cracks his back and knuckles, relishing in the feeling of loosening up tense muscles and bones. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, the redhead hoists himself to his feet and exits the bedroom, limps to the lounge. The whole apartment is white and strangely clean, a perk when purchasing a new place in a new building apparently.

Brendon is unconscious on the pull-out couch but Tyler is seated on the floor, gazing out the window at the impeccable view. He's in only his boxers but the three boys have known each other long enough that nothing is weird to them about seeing each other naked.

Josh settles himself on the carpet next to Tyler with a quiet grunt and the brunet turns to look at him, grinning lightly before turning back to the window.

"How ya feeling?" he asks, not taking his eyes off the gently rising sun.

"I've been better," Josh replies, grimacing a bit when the bandage rubs the wrong way, "What about you?"

Tyler looks down at his supported wrist, looking shocked, almost as if he had forgotten it was there.

"Was that from when I fell on you? Sorry about that," Josh looks away from Tyler and at Brendon when a loud snore sounds from the couch.

"It's no big deal, just twisted it. You're honestly a lot lighter than I thought you would be."

Josh chuckles. "I don't know whether to take that as a compliment."

The redhead is startled when Tyler rests his head on his shoulder, sighing quietly, his eyes emulating the dawn's soft light and his fluffy chocolate hair brushing against Josh's skin. Josh shifts his body so he can wrap an arm around the boy's bony shoulders and Tyler's delicate eyelashes tickle his neck as he makes himself comfortable.

"Who did the stitches?" he asks.

"Hm?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I doubt either you or Brendon know how to stitch a wound, so who did it?"

Tyler giggles. "Brendon knows a guy."

"That's awfully vague. How did I not know about this?"

"I don't know, you were pretty out of it. Didn't even have to give you drugs to knock you out." Tyler's voice is muffled as he rubs a hand over his face. "'m tired."

"Then go to sleep. Why are you even up anyway?"

"Couldn't sleep in the first place. Too much to think about."

"Like what?"

"Will we ever be normal after what we've seen?"

"We were never normal in the first place, silly."

"Still, normality sounds pretty great to me." His voice quiets as he drifts off, comforted by Josh's presence.

Josh smiles and moves Tyler's head from his shoulder to his lap, reaching for a nearby blanket and draping it over the sleeping boy's frail body and kissing his hair lightly. Brendon snores loudly again and Josh laughs softly to himself and leans back on his hands, watching the world wake up, completely unaware of what hides behind tall concrete walls in the middle of the desert.

Normality seems to be a privilege, and one that Josh and his closest friends will never know again.

**Author's Note:**

> this story has been in the works for a while now


End file.
